


You Are Your Mother's Daughter

by ddaengseokjin



Category: No Fandom
Genre: F/M, Poetry, Prose Poem, Random & Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-30 00:12:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16754152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddaengseokjin/pseuds/ddaengseokjin
Summary: This is just something I wrote for my Creative Writing class. It's a small story about a woman fighting for her freedom of expression. I hope you all have fun interpreting this in your own ways. Thank you to anyone who happens upon this<3





	1. Prologue

I am terrified of the sun

and refuse to believe that

Others like me say flying is easy

Let’s not kid ourselves

My wings are large and unclipped

So what is the truth?

“We’re too close to the sun from here.”

“Our kind are safe indoors.”

Perhaps to you

To me, I could soar past mountains.


	2. Prologue pt 2

_ They tell me it’s all in my mind _

_ But they never met the monster _

_ Who lives inside of me _

_ Unabashed, unafraid _

_ It destroys me _

_ And it can destroy you too _


	3. She never liked the way I did anything

Sometimes I walked too slowly, other times I spoke too soon, but most of the time, she hated every point of my existence. It’s unusual, and usually I can figure out why. One thing I knew she hated the most was the way I joked around. My tongue has always been the sharpest with words; the quickest with sarcasm. I’m notoriously pessimistic and dull in her eyes.

On October 2nd, 2018, our personalities clashed again. I knew she would resent me as we were briskly walking the unknown. She was filled with wonder and adventure and looked at everything so curiously. I’ve never been like that. I, on the other hand, was bored. And tired. And ready to go back home. Maybe it was the hunger pains, the blisters on my feet, or the mere fact that I wanted to be alone. Whatever it was, I knew she’d resent me for it. 

We have always been on opposite wavelengths, but being different never meant I loved her less. It never meant anything to me. Though this time, I think it did. I purposely revealed our parallel personalities. This time, she specifically despised me after she picked up a red leaf and I did it again. It was way too easy to make her mad. 

Anyway, I watched her pick up the red leaf through squinted eyelids — I looked disgusted, maybe judgmental, but I promise I wasn’t — as her smile danced upon the world, and she asked me, “Is this a fall leaf?” But I’m not like her. I was too tired to wonder. Too tired to care about leaves, or autumn, or her resentment. She didn’t like me anyway, and that was the only reason I responded, “Well, it fell, didn’t it?” 


	4. My monster is nothing for you to fear.

I am.


	5. Seventeen Christmases Ago

I was only seventeen, and the world moved too fast. Everything was too much to my mother who said, “Too much makeup, too much time on the phone, and not enough time in your studies!” Still I maintained As, scored high on my SATs, and participated in several clubs. It was never enough. Being seventeen had so many responsibilities that it hurt to breathe. When Christmas rolled around, I could feel the winter air fill my lungs and hold hope for the year to come. At seventeen, I dreamed of eighteen. College was around the corner, my first job started in March, and I would do enough on my own. Seventeen Christmases ago, I cared so much about eighteen that I fell in love too young, married too soon and forgave my mother too easily for thinking everything was too much.

Seventeen Christmases later, I shove the undercooked peas around my plate and I listen to my daughter’s confession. The world is still too fast. Now, like my mother, everything was too much. My daughter had too much mashed potatoes, spent too much time texting, and not enough time in her studies. I remained quiet, but my daughter did not maintain As, nor did she score high on her SATs, and she cursed at several clubs. It was never enough because being seventeen had so many responsibilities, and I knew that it would hurt to breathe. I remember my life at seventeen. I remember the winter air and college and my first job and my first love and it had never been enough. Seventeen Christmases ago, I never considered having a daughter, but the one that showed up sixteen Christmases ago is now pregnant, and I’m blaming myself for never telling her she was too much.


	6. Three Winters Later

_I met my soulmate_

_Three winters later_

_My husband was upset_

_But for the first time in my life_

_My monster felt_

_Abashed, afraid_

_It destroys me_

_It destroys my marriage_

_But he’s my soulmate_

_And my monster felt_


	7. My Heart Is With Him

I’m going mad, but I think he has the cutest laugh

And maybe you’ll agree that he has the deepest dimples

Above all, it’s quite difficult to resist his charm.

How the heavens parted just so he could be mine

and maybe I come apart at the sight of those hands,

cupped, ready, I’ll ooze into them. I’ll never let him go.

 

The sun can set, the moon appears, I’ll never let him go.

Even with friends, or if I’m alone, I drink up his laugh,

I think of that mind, or those fingers, those hands, and

I dream of that voice, and those eyes, and those dimples

They’re deep! He’s deep, but he’s quiet, and he’s mine.

I’ll shift mountains for him. I’ll use my own charm

 

He writes that off as a show, that I can charm him with

glances, shy smiles; all hiding how I’ll never let him go.

Call me selfish if you want, but what’s mine is mine.

From his relaxed expression, to his genuine laugh; and

From his pursed lips to his sweet dimples; and

From his red Converses to those confident hands.

 

Damn

 

If he asked, my heart would become one with my hands,

The world would be ours, all thanks to his charm

Ugh! But wait, look at his dimples! Wait and see! Watch as

They appear and disappear too fast. I’ll never let him go

When the cameras shut off, the world turns away, I’ll laugh.

To you, love lasts for moments. But me? Mine is a lifetime.

 

I’m selfish, aren’t I? I’m needy and greedy but he’s mine!

I know if I ever asked, he would hold my hands and

if I ever doubted him, I know he would laugh but only

because that’s what he does! That’s who he is, his charm.

I am going mad, the world agrees, I’ll never let him go;

The world watches, now let’s wait for those dimples.

 

Fuck it. I’m not afraid anymore. Give me those dimples.

Give me that heart. Those thoughts. Let them all be mine!

Can’t forget to hold on. Tight. Tighter. I’ll never let him go.

So, if you see us holding hands or if you see me

Bright, ecstatic, glowing, too charming to bear?

It is because he won. We won. God, please don’t laugh

 

If you saw him the way I see him, those hands, God damn,

Don’t laugh, this is scary. I understand I’m overly charmed

Can’t you tell? My heart is with him, I’ll never let him go.


	8. Out Of Order

My brain works differently so please don’t take offense

Most thoughts are unclear, eluding and escaping me

That drives you crazy, I know, but I just can’t dispense

 

All that I feel or all that I think just doesn’t condense

What I want to say and it doesn’t match what I see

My brain works differently so please don’t take offense

 

I’m too quiet and too unsure, thinking can be intense

But my thoughts are there, they can be deep as the sea

That drives you crazy, I know, but I just can’t dispense

 

My heart doesn’t pour and my brain doesn’t compense

They don’t work in sync and they are quite free to be, but

My brain works differently so please don’t take offense

 

My heart feels everything, but words suffer in expense

Of a thoughtless mind, a lonely soul, it hides from “we”

That drives you crazy, I know, but I just can’t dispense

 

Commonsense.

And if I say nothing, take the hint. It’s not you, it’s me

My brain works differently so please don’t take offense

That drives you crazy, I know, but I just can’t dispense


	9. My Sweet, Poor, Dedicated Husband

_He tried for years_

_But my monster resented him_

_My first love diminished_

_Children, family, a mortgage_

_He tried for years_

_My sweet, dedicated, poor husband_


	10. Scientists Just Broke Up: No Chemistry

“Maybe it’s easier to believe what I believe than to hear the truth.” Her husband answers right away.

“What’s the truth then?” June stands up as well, flapping her arms. “That your wife is unhappy? You would rather believe I’m still sleeping around than believe I am actually here?”

He turns away. June — defeated, unfazed, and out of fight — can only sigh and shake her head because rejection never lived here. Heartbreak never broke her. A divorce seems so final.

Threats of a divorce set her free.

No matter what she says, it won’t be heard as honest. Many lies lay between them now. He homes no opinion, only weights of paranoia and shame for his wife. They resent each other. Is it worth the fight? 

She can leave, but he needs her. “Thirty years of marriage. That’s three apartments, two homes, four children, three dogs, and–”

“Several boyfriends behind my back,” Her husband interjects. 

“Then maybe I should go. If it’s easier for you, I’ll just go.” June turns to the front door. She can hear her eldest daughter choking on her sobs, but June is grabbing for her purse and worming her toes into ballerina flats as she reaches for the doorknob. Vegas is nice this time of year.

“Coward!”

She is always ready to leave. He is never ready to say goodbye. 

June presses her tongue against her bottom lip and gives it a chance. She stays inside. The sobs quiet. Dropping her purse at the door, her body weight collapses against the edge of the couch in resentment.  _ Jesus, just let me go. _ Vegas is fun, being married is not. “Just believe me again… Please. I want to be here.” She doesn’t. “I love you!” She doesn’t.


	11. Self-Control

_We break up_

_And make up_

_And let go_

_And stay together._

_My monster can’t control me._

_My mother can’t control me._


	12. The Inevitable Terms Of A Eavesdropping

 

 

“He told us a very exciting love story.

“She borrowed that book from him last year,

 

The girl he loved left him forever ago.”

and hasn't yet returned it.”

  


“So what happens to the kids now?”

 

  
“He always made those sugar cookies;

“She said he was not there;

And she would decorate them.”

but, many people saw him.”

  


“He was there.”

“I am counting my calories,

  


“We’ve had a lot of rain lately!”

“The memory we used to share yet

I really want dessert.on the table.”

is no longer coherent.”

“She did not lie,

  


“He misses her.”

He made the best cookies.”

“Now is not the place to talk about someone’s divorce.”

  


“The book is in the front,

She said she’ll return it soon,”

  
  
“When it left, so did she.”

“PTA meetings end too soon!”


	13. Speak Yourself

_I am free._

_Without my soulmate,_

_Without my love,_

_Without my monster_

_With wings_

_My body_

_My soul_

_I am free._


	14. At Last

**** To me, I could soar past mountains.

Perhaps to you

“Our kind are safe indoors.”

“We’re too close to the sun from here.”

So what is the truth?

My wings are large and unclipped

And let’s not kid ourselves

Others like me say flying is easy

and refuse to believe that

I am terrified of the sun


End file.
